The Performance Branch of The Petersfield Writer's Workshop

		The Theatre Director A monologue by David Roberts Well, I think it has been a wonderful production. When I went to the committee with the play - they said it wouldn't be done. It was too ambitious, too daring, too technically difficult. Well, I proved them wrong. With a mixture of talent and hard work I proved the doubters wrong. Under my brilliant direction the play went entirely to plan. And as for the talent within the group - there isn't any. Tony - your performance as the old baffoon was as accurate as ever. It was splendidly over the top - as usual. Emma your performance as the tart with the heart was as impressive as your bosom. Just remember to wear your bra next time, there's a good girl. Jane - you could have been a bit more livelier, but those tight blue jeans certainly fit snugly around your arse. Belinda - you needed to be more sexy in the opening act, but it certainly came along. Just remember those tongues. It is a vital part of a lesbian love scene. I remember many years ago when I was acting in a play at the Haymarket in London. I played the part of a career politician on the up. I gave the performance of a lifetime - wonderfully powerful and mature. That Bernard Levin chap didn't like it but what does he know. He writes long winded reviews of that Helen Mirren women flashing her tits everywhere. I digress, I digress. Martyn - a little less slimy please. I know that it is your natural personality, and it can work with the ladies, but it doesn't do a lot for me I'm afraid. And it isn't really suitable for the part of a vicar is it. Charlie - I know you are playing the part of a tree but it doesn't have to be that wooden does it. Try and be a bit more animated there's a dear. Hayley - have you thought of taking up a new hobby - badmington or embroidery perhaps. You have been at it for 20 years and there is still not a lot of improvement is there? Nick - stick to your own voice next time. The American accent just doesn't come off for you. Apart from that a deeply sympathetic account of a demented serial killer and child molester... which reminds me of a remarkable performance I too gave as a serial killer at the Othello. The critics were in awe of me as indeed were the audience. For the part I was dressed in fish net tights, a short skirt and a revealing top. The only critic who didn't like it was that tosser Charles Spencer but then he doesn't like anything. I digress, I digress. Gillian - thank you for sitting on my face and I did enjoy it but I could still only give you a small part. Some of you can't act and those that can are hopeless in bed. But that's life. You can never get the perfect cast. Well I took the dross I was given and turned it into a beautifully shaped diamond - multi sided and beautifully faceted, a little like my own personality. A director is a mixture of a diplomat, a bully, a dictator, a seducer but above all - a mother and a lover. And I have been a mixture of all those things to the cast. A director must be kind and loving, but strong and firm at the same time. Qualities which I have in abundance. I digress, I digress. Summing up - it must have been a great pleasure for you to work with me, although I am not sure I can return the compliment. So I will just say aurevoir or should it be adieu. END

This site is best viewed in 1024 x 768
Website designed & maintained by Daniel Barton.
All content within this website, unless otherwise stated, is Copyright © The Petersfield Writer's Workshop & Write Angle 2007